It has begun...

Back to life, back to reality......

I woke up this morning next to an empty place in bed. Daniel started back to work today. For some reason my mind is having a hard time grasping that he isn't recruiting anymore. I had been dreading this day, last night I just wanted to run away and hide, pretending like the morning wasn't going to come. It's silly, really. His hours are a dream, the stress is non-existent, and he isn't on goal.

I mean c'mon! What is my problem?

To be honest, I don't know. Maybe my mind is conditioned - to not be able to grasp anything other than recruiting. I can't hardly remember what life use to be like before Vermont. I know that I longed for it while in the midst of recruiting duty. But, now that I have regular life again, I don't know what to do with it. Daniel equated the feelings he was having to a dog that had been chained up; the chains have now been removed, but he still didn't go anywhere. I would have to agree. I want to sing and dance and laugh, but I don't. I just stand here waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting for the sound of the chains again.

What I do know is I didn't like waking up without Daniel next to me. I became quite spoiled with all the leave Daniel took. But, we needed it. It was time to let some of the wounds heal, to remember that we don't have looming deadlines anymore, time to re-group. It was good. Now I need to work on realizing that life and work can co-exist. It doesn't have to be one or the other. Perhaps hearing Daniel come through the door at 4 o'clock this afternoon will help.

I can't believe Daniel will be home for dinner and we will still have time to take a walk. And I won't have to put the kids to bed without them seeing their Daddy. It's good to be back.....!