And this is where I wonder if I have lost my mind...

Yes, I know. I just posted a full body shot of myself on the internet. But this post is for the women who find it hard to lose weight. Not for the ones that see their pregnancy weight fall off in like 4.25 days. Nope, this is not for you.

And that doesn't mean I don't love you, because I do. I DO!!

I just want to talk to the rest of us for a minute.

Trying to lose weight sucks. I hate working at it and I don't want to.

OKAY! I feel better now.

I weighed myself yesterday. At the worst possible time. It was like 6:00 in the evening. We don't own a scale, and Daniel in his wisdom wouldn't let me weigh myself until I had been actively walking miles upon miles for a month or more.

I kept forgetting to weigh myself whenever we were on base so it's been quite a bit longer than a month, but yesterday I remembered! I ran into the gym and stepped on the scale. My heart in my throat.

I hate being disappointed. I didn't want to see the number on the scale mocking the effort I put out every day - the sweat, the exhaustion, the work!

I was 139! I was in the 130's, people! That was all I wanted. I have traded in my disillusioned idea of losing the pregnancy weight quickly. It isn't going to happen. My body just doesn't roll like that.

(Ugg, rolls)

It took me four months to lose the weight (50 pounds!!) after I had Judah. And I was kicking my butt hard, with walking and pilates. I was also strict, strict, strict about my eating habits.

This time I'm not. I just don't feel like it. I like to eat cookies, and use butter on my potatoes. I snack after 7pm and I don't feel guilty. I don't go crazy with the eating part of life, but I'm not limiting myself either. Perhaps that's bad. Oh well. I like to eat.

I have had a few comments on here talking about me being a skinny-minny, etc.

Hey! I've got to be honest --- I'm not! (See above picture. Exhibit A: the tummy)

I have a tummy, and probably always will. I've got some junk in my trunk, and we won't mention my thighs. I'm working hard to get into shape, but I am definitely not going to be wearing my bathing suit anytime soon ( I tried it on the other night.... NOT A GOOD CHOICE!).

I've got to question whether I truly desire to be thin anymore. I use to really, really care. Now I'm wondering if thin matters.

How important to me is it that I have a flat stomach? ( It's not going to happen without some intervention) I'm always going to have evidence of the three children I carried in my body.

Should I care?

Is having a great body, and being able to wear the same size I did before I had kids all that terribly important? I'm thinking not.

Can you tell I've been wrestling with this issue lately?

My goal, at this point in life, is to get into shape. I want to be able to feel great, not get winded by my walks, and maybe after I am done nursing to participate in some sort of athletic competition with Daniel. That's what I want. And if a rockin' body comes along with that, I'm not going to send it back.

But, truthfully, I'm kind of attached to my curves.... Just not to the magnitude they are at right now.

So, to all my friends out there trying to lose weight... I'm right there in the trenches with ya. And, it sucks.

The trenches part, not the being with you part. YOU are awesome.