Panic Attacks
I don't know why they always happen at night or why they even happen at all. Never before in my life have I had this issue, and I - just like everyone else - have had stressful times. But these panic attacks are new and they are scary. Really scary. Although I have never doubted that panic attacks are real and viable, I had no depth of understanding. Now I do. But I wish I didn't.

I have no idea what triggers them, I don't see a pattern in my life that would influence the onset of an attack. My life was a whole lot more stress filled two years ago and I never had one hint of a panic-filled night. Thankfully they are quickly resolved each and every time - I somehow wake Daniel up and he prays for me. They recede and I feel like I can breathe again, my heart slows down it's wild pounding in my chest. But, it takes me awhile to fall back to sleep for the fear of another one snapping me awake.
I would just like to know why. That is how I live my life, who I am - I find out the whys of things. Knowledge, for me, reduces fear. And if I can know the why then I can face whatever it is that comes my way. Even if it's terribly tough. I don't know why I am having these panic attacks and it really bothers me. But I do intend to find out - I will conquer them yet.

Now that I have experience, I have so much more empathy and understanding for the others I know who struggle with these attacks. What I don't understand is why there isn't more discussion about them. It seems to be somewhat taboo to talk about having a struggle in this area. Like you are a weaker person for having them. Which is entirely not true. I wish everything wasn't so hush-hush. And I wish I wouldn't ever have another one again.
about us
post labels