Daniel and I were driving home from an outing today. It was one of "those" outings... You know, the kind where if we don't get the kids out of the house now, someone is going to lose it. Or more like everyone is going to lose it. So, off we went, to nowhere in particular. I was wishing if wasn't so stinkin' cold and we could head to the playground. But, it really is too cold for such fun things as that.

Anyways, on the way home from nowhere in particular, Daniel and I were talking about the future. Sometimes this kind of talk makes my stomach hurt. Today was no exception. It's because I hate not having a plan, I hate not knowing all that life is going to throw my way. How's a girl suppose to prepare for a future full of "hmmmm's" and "I don't know's," "maybe's" and "best case scenarios?" But, that is what it is.

Our issue today was my longing to just move back home. I asked Daniel if he would ever want to do that. His answer was yes, if that is what I wanted to. And I do. But, I don't. I'm really very wishy-washy on the whole subject. My heart says "YES!!!" but my mind says, "Woman, are you CRAZY?!" There is a whole wide world out there waiting to be explored; there are places to live where snow isn't an issue, where the cost of living isn't astronomical. But, my heart longs to see my kids go to the school I went to, to live next door to their best friends for all their growing up years. I miss my friends, our church, and the familiarity of the country roads I have driven over a million times. I wonder what it would be like to live here as an adult, raising my family, rather than living here as a kid and being raised.

The problem comes when I think about the absurdity of throwing away a great career in the Air Force for my heart's longings. It's silly, really. And when I stop to think about it I mentally slap myself on the forehead and say "duh!" It's a no-brainer. Daniel needs to finish this journey he started at seventeen. We need the pension it will afford us. We really love the lifestyle. Not to mention, that for Daniel, he feels it is his patriotic duty to serve. It's just that knowing, and believing all those great things, doesn't erase the desire I have to just be home, for good. No more visits, no more long drives, or plane tickets. No more good-byes.

No one ever said life's decisions would be easy. I wasn't expecting them to be. It's just that I never really planned to miss home, because I never really planned on leaving. But, then again I never really planned on falling in love with Daniel. And look how great that has turned out.

Here's to the future..... With the years spent at home or far away
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