Sad

I've been a little off lately, could you tell? This has been a hard week for me.

Emotions. Blech.

The kids have been great; we've had fun, had our neighbor's over last night for a barbecue, watched movies... it's been a pretty relaxed week, but my heart has been so sad.

Daniel and I made some incredible friends when we lived in Vermont. Tarrah, from Blue-eyed Babies, and her husband, Sam. True blue, in the nitty-gritty with you, friends. And I miss them, we miss them. It was amazing to watch my husband - a life-long Air Force brat accustom to many, frequent moves - allow himself to make a real friend... a best friend. And it completely broke my heart to watch him say good-bye to Sam. It broke my heart to say good-bye to Tarrah.

And I know, it's not like our friendship with Sam and Tarrah is over - because it's not! But, the living out daily life together part is and that's tough to face. I miss the spontaneous dinners, watching the guys throw the football, hearing the kids play together. It's hard to not have a friend I can really rely on here. If I need someone to watch the kids at the last second, I am stuck up a river! But, most of all I miss the camaraderie. In just a few short years we went through a lot of life together.

Sam and Tarrah moved this week. They moved from Vermont to North Carolina - it's been their dream and I am so, so happy for them. They will live close to the ocean, Sam will work at a busy fire station, they will buy a house and live in it for a long, long time. All that wonderful, dream fulfilling stuff and here I am sad. Sad because I want to live in the same town with them, watch our kids grow up together, grow old, or in Sam's case - older (ha!), with them.

But, we can't do any of that. Daniel and I have chosen this military life... and it's a good life! We love it. The moving, the patriotism, the new experiences, and the opportunities it affords us. It's just, I can't figure out which I would rather have. The military life or the settled down life.

So, here I am sad and missing my friends all over again. These feelings make me want to rush back to when Daniel and I were 17; I want to know all I know now, then. I want to sit with Daniel and talk - to hash things out. To figure out what would be better for us in the long run but also in the in-between years.

Except I don't have that luxury. Nor do any of us. But, we do have the luxury of airplanes being available to us to fly in, and a car to drive, a computer to e-mail with, and a phone to call with. So, there will be lots of phone calls, and e-mails. Lots of visiting the lovely beaches of North Carolina. And I will enjoy knowing there is a place I can go where my friends will always be. That will do this "constantly moving around" heart good.

I'm still sad, though. I think a visit may be in order. There will soon be a new baby to hold!