I've decided that next week I am going to open up the blog (in the comment section) and have a conversation about the misconceptions we military spouses find civilians have with the military lifestyle. I find that this conversation can sometimes be awkward and not very much fun but I think it is much needed.
So, you military wives, I want you to come back loaded next week. Loaded with the misconceptions you have run into about the life we live.
But I don't just want the misconceptions, I want the truth tagged onto it. It can be extremely frustrating to be so misunderstood so this is a good chance to get the correct information out and into a public forum.
And everyone else who is not in the military, bring your questions. We would LOVE to answer them. No question will be looked on as stupid. Nothing at all.
Ask anything you want because, believe me, we are a wealth of information and there is not much we like to do more than talk about being a military spouse.
It's important that there is an understanding on both sides as to what this crazy military life is really like.
I am looking forward to this conversation because I just know it will be extremely beneficial to all who participate. Whether it be for the civilians or the young woman marrying a military man... getting slammed with tons of new confusing information and feeling lost in a world of acronyms. They both need some answers!
I hate having to tag this on but I must. Please, everyone, be nice. Kindness is expected and required. If you are not, I will the delete the crap out of ya.
I know, not very nice of me, huh! I am low on my "crap" word count today. I needed to get my number up a bit. Forgive me.
And now, moving on to the subject of conception... I am in that spot. The spot where I want to have another baby. Now.
It's been like clockwork for 5 years... it always happens when the baby of the family is (almost) walking, I'm sleeping through the night, the memories of the difficulties associated with pregnancy/labor/post-partum have sufficiently faded, I'm a size 6 and that pregnant belly looks cute again... You know the tune.
Daniel and I have decided our family is complete but man... my hormones did not get the memo. I know a lot of you can understand those feelings.
Anyways, just had to get that off of my chest. And since we've talked about most everything else lately, I figured I was safe to talk about wanting another baby in my belly.
And with that thought, I am out of here.... Happy Friday, friends!
So, you military wives, I want you to come back loaded next week. Loaded with the misconceptions you have run into about the life we live.
But I don't just want the misconceptions, I want the truth tagged onto it. It can be extremely frustrating to be so misunderstood so this is a good chance to get the correct information out and into a public forum.
And everyone else who is not in the military, bring your questions. We would LOVE to answer them. No question will be looked on as stupid. Nothing at all.
Ask anything you want because, believe me, we are a wealth of information and there is not much we like to do more than talk about being a military spouse.
It's important that there is an understanding on both sides as to what this crazy military life is really like.
I am looking forward to this conversation because I just know it will be extremely beneficial to all who participate. Whether it be for the civilians or the young woman marrying a military man... getting slammed with tons of new confusing information and feeling lost in a world of acronyms. They both need some answers!
I hate having to tag this on but I must. Please, everyone, be nice. Kindness is expected and required. If you are not, I will the delete the crap out of ya.
I know, not very nice of me, huh! I am low on my "crap" word count today. I needed to get my number up a bit. Forgive me.
And now, moving on to the subject of conception... I am in that spot. The spot where I want to have another baby. Now.
It's been like clockwork for 5 years... it always happens when the baby of the family is (almost) walking, I'm sleeping through the night, the memories of the difficulties associated with pregnancy/labor/post-partum have sufficiently faded, I'm a size 6 and that pregnant belly looks cute again... You know the tune.
Daniel and I have decided our family is complete but man... my hormones did not get the memo. I know a lot of you can understand those feelings.
Anyways, just had to get that off of my chest. And since we've talked about most everything else lately, I figured I was safe to talk about wanting another baby in my belly.
And with that thought, I am out of here.... Happy Friday, friends!
27 Comments:
oh, i'm so glad you'll be doing that! :) My husband is waiting to hear from the AF about becoming an officer and so i have a pretty good shot at being one of those military wives by this time next year and would LOVE to know what to expect :)
as for babies - you can always use another one :) go for it!
Mmmkay, I guess the only mental construct I have about military wives is that it must suck for you when your husband is deployed, and you are forced to be a single parent, while worrying night and day about your true love's personal safety. Is that a misconception?
As for the whole baby thing, you're obviously a great mom - any baby would be lucky to be welcomed in to your family! Oh, and you know I'm expecting, and misery - umm, I mean pregnancy - loves company! :)
My baby hormones have started kicking in too...UGH!
I stalk your blog(from Rachel and Christy) and I dated a Marine awhile back and we always joked about the wives having their weekly tupperware parties. Which, I know isn't true of most, but it was an odd but funny "misconception" that was rumored around.
I gotta know, gotta ask about the whole housing thing. I see some military families with nicer clothes and furniture and cars than non-military families (making about the same amount of $ per year) and (I know it's not always the case) I wonder is it because they don't have to pay a ridiculous mortgage like me?
Are the medical benefits really THAT good too?
I was so fascinated with the military life while with the Marine, and it still intrigues me...
Krysten
I don't know that I have a specific question No one in my family is in the military. My cousins married military men (one AF, one Army), but both are out now, so I don't really have any hands on experience. I'm just intrigued by the questions people have posted so far and am looking forward to the answers.
As for the conception - I am a singleton with no children. One of my best friends just had her 4th. The others are 6, 3, and 1.5 yrs. I wouldn't put it past her to go for 5. After her first she knew she wanted 5 kids.
Can't wait to see the military misconceptions clarified!
About the baby thing... why not have another living, breathing expression of the precious love you and Daniel share? Judah could have a brother. I've always believed that the best gift you can give a child is a sibling. You're an amazing mother, and Daniel, from what you say, is an incredible dad. Go for it.
Leda
Oh Andrea, you and Daniel make such pretty babies! You should have one more! But even if you KNOW you're done- I understand that feeling of wanting another sweet little bundle in the house. I'm already have a hard time knowing Vivienne will be our last :( Babies are such an amazing blessing!
About the military misconceptions- I think the thing that irks me the most is the stereotype that everyone in the enlisted military is somehow uneducated or unmotivated. Like that was "all" those individuals could do in their life was join the Army because they were such screw ups. As if it's somehow a bottom of the barrel career choice when you're too stupid to do anything else. SO untrue!! We don't have a single friend or neighbor in the Air Force who isn't pursuing higher education. J already has 2 associate degrees and is now going for his bachelors in electrical engineering. Plus, so many of the jobs in the military are incredibly complicated and technical- way over the heads of most high school graduates. J had to go to Tech School for 10 months to learn his job in Satellite communications and has taken classes (that count towards college credit) periodically ever since to stay current.
Remember when John Kerry made that comment telling the youth of America they'd better work hard in school or they'd "get stuck in Iraq"? That made me so insanely furious I was hot under the collar for weeks afterwards. I HATE that there are sections of America that perceive our armed forces that way. Grrr...
OK. *deep breath* I'm done. :)
Ironically my #2 pet peeve was mentioned by your other commenter Innocence Underrated. But I already ranted about that here.
I'll be interested to see what others have to say...
I am pregnant and due in July and we are pretty sure it's a boy and we already have a girl and my husband says we are done and I don't want to be! I ffel your hormones girl!
Yeah! i am ready for this, but even I have questions. I hope that there are some overseas wives out there willing to chime in. We may be heading overseas after this school and I want to know all about it.
Yeah! I am excited.
Amanda
PS- just so I don't come off sounding bitter and jaded: in my opinion the medical benefits really ARE that good!
And the Tupperware party thing is kinda true. I must be invited to 4 or 5 of those "parties" a month. Tupperware, Pampered Chef, SlumberParty, Candle Lite, Cookie Lee....I really can't stand them and never know how to get out of them. Note to my military girlfriends: (I love you but) I don't want any of that junk!! Please stop inviting me! I'd rather just hand you the $20 ;)
Noooooooo!!
(I just sucked all the air not only out of the family room, but the whole house!)
No more precious newborn Hubs???
I understand your Hormone War. I am fixed and four days from 40 and I still have overwhelming desires to have a baby in the belly again!
Can't wait for your conversation! I agree, it is much needed and will be so incredibly helpful and beneficial.
You are so wise oh young one.
I guess I don't have any conceptions or misconceptions about military spouses. I think that some people are definitely more cut out for it than others. My MIL complains all the time about when her husband was active duty but I have another friend who took a missions trip to Africa during her husband's deployment. I thought that was the coolest thing ever!!
I never knew the military was considered unintelligent. I've always been inspired--but I am also very old fashioned. Living in Pensacola, we take great pride in our base and military heritage. The enormous Blue Angels practice twice a week--flying directly over our little house!
Hi! After years of watching my Marine pilot brother struggle with deployment and leaving his family behind, I swore I'd never be a military wife.
Never say never! I am happily engaged to the single greatest man alive, who also happens to be an Air Force officer. The idea of having to leave behind my family, friends, and what may be the greatest job I will ever have is frankly terrifying. But, like I told him last night, I would've never imagined there would be a man I'd be willing to sacrifice those things for. I want him to know he is loved fiercely and has my support 100%, but that doesn't make the unknown less scary.
Can't wait to read about this :)
As for the baby wanting, I know where that is coming from.
And the best advice I ever got about the size of your family?
You'll never regret the kids you have, only the kids you DON'T have. At least, I hope so!!
antoher AF wife! Love your blog!
I've just recently been keeping up with your blog and I, too, am a Military spouse...Air Force :) I would be interested to read what others have to say as well. I also must add that the statement about tupperware parties is in fact, true. I have been invited to everything from Pampered Chef (which is VERY big over here) to SlumberParty to Partylite to Stampin Up...and the list goes on. I cordially decline the invites though.
I'm so interested in this thread. I'm not a military wife but soon to be military mom. My son will be enlisting soon. I'm so interested in all aspects of his new life and how to best support him and any future wife.
Thanks for sharing.
Cherie
I am a 'stalker' & fellow military spouse (Army here) as well.. I can't wait to read this 'misconception' blog. I've been a military spouse for several years now & our own FAMILY still have misconceptions!! The one I get often & the one that cracks me up the most is how I never have anything to stress about because, after all, we signed up 'for this' willingly. I mean, I 'have it all' & I'm 'rich' so life for me is just GRAND! ROFLMAO I could go on & on but I'm sure you've all heard it before too!!
One thing that I think might be a misconception is that a sign-on bonus or a re-enlistment bonus is actually the REASON someone does one or the other.
I think its more comparable to when you buy a new car. You decide on the car, make, model, etc, etc. Then if one dealer is offering a gift certificate to Outback Steakhouse with every purchase, then you go to that dealer. But you WOULD NEVER buy the car for the restaurant gift certificate.
Same thing with the military bonuses. You make the hard decision first, then see if there is a bonus to go with it.
Am I right?
What a great idea! I think the biggest misconception I run across if when people think because I married my husband after he was in the military I should just suck it up and not be upset when he's gone for sometimes 15+ months, I mean geez, it doesn't make it any easier and when we joine ( a million years ago) there weren't a whole lot of deployments...way too many deployments later I am still upset every time he leaves. I don't sit in my house and shut down, I go to work and continue on as best I can...but I still get upset.
I am really looking forward to reading about military misconceptions. I am only 2 weeks from officially becoming an Army wife, and I still feel like I don't know enough to know what I don't know, ya know? :)
I got the baby itch bad about a year after Juli, but we waited another year and a half. After Gabby, I didn't even get a chance to start THINKING about another one before I was already on my way. Crazy!
What a great idea. My husband has been in the Navy for 10 years and some of our friends and family still don't *get it*.
One huge misconception about military wives is our inability, or unwillingness to be productive. Having lived in New Jersey, Italy, Hawaii, and now Japan it is hard to maintain a career. Not to mention having 3 children that need me home (more then ever when dad is deployed)....
One other misconception.. Some people seem to think that the service member can not have a valuable, loving and intact relationship with their wife/husband or children. I think my husband and I have an even stronger bond, because he is away so much. We value and cherish our time together. When he is home his children have his undivided attention.
We love living in Japan, and have decided to take another set of orders. Japan will be our home for 4 more years.
I'm so excited to read your upcoming post! I have such a deep respect for military men and wives and families - you are much appreciated!!
About baby - I too have the itch and now hubby is on board too so we're trying! I SO want a fall baby.... Good luck w/talking your own Hub into it1 :)
First, I want to thank you for opening up and sharing your experiences with all of us. I've just started to follow your blog and that of other military wives and families. I am a year and a half into being an Army girlfriend and none of my friends or family have military experience, so I was elated to find these blogs.
I finally decided to to stop lurking and post a comment! Next step will be a Blogger identity and maybe some sharing of my own. Until then, looking forward to hearing the responses to this post.
My ignorant question is: Why do people enlist in the armed forces knowing that they will almost certainly go to fight a war?
Oh I am so totally feeling ya on the baby thing. Especially now that we are actually potty training Jericho - ahhh! I've thought about doing a post on it but so far I'm to chicken!
I don't really know what misconceptions I have about military life. I guess I don't know much about it so I don't think much about it but I look forward to hearing what you have to say.
ah there are so very many misconceptions about military life, particularly the Army. The biggest one that i have encountered is the idea that family comes first. This is a complete and total load of ****. Its mission first, unit, deployment and a few other things before they remember a Solider may have a family. I found out the hard way when my husband was wounded in Iraq and it took 2 days for me to be informed, and not by the chain of command! I do have to give hats off to the Fisher House because they are great, but that is private civilan donations.
Another misconception in the military is that a spouse is a dependant and nothing more. There are many of us out there who have identites beyond Mrs. Captain or Mrs. Drill Sargent or Mrs. Anything. I don't wear my husbands rank and i don't expect to be treate as is nor do i exect him to be ostracized or in trouble for the things i choose to do (such as work and associate with people that are not of his rank) or not to do such as lead an FRG or particpate in funcitons that are not to my liking.
The military can be wonderful. I am proud to see my husband in uniform and for the sacrifices that we have made as a unit and he has made as an individual. I wish that people didn't feel sorry for us.
Deployments are the hardest mentally for everyone,b ut the pitty is the worst. People want to help but soemtimes make the 12 or 15 months longer than it really is. I just hope the op tempo slows and families get a little bit of down time and Soldiers can heal.
i wish every military family luck and pray for the safety of each and everyone.
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