It happened one bright, sunshiny morning last week; I was in high gear, working to get everyone out the door and into the van and on the way to school by 7:40 a.m. This is no easy task when you have three children under 5. I was doing my fair share of throwing around orders:
"Eve... shoes on!"
"Are your teeth brushed?!"
"Judah! EAT, pleeeease."
I went to get Eliza out of her bed; usually getting her up is my last thing to accomplish before loading up the van with little bodies, a backpack, and some sort of small plastic wild animal that growls loudly at me from a chubby boy hand.
This particular morning Eliza had a precious gift for me in her diaper. I had no idea of what magnitude, though. Which, in hindsight, was very unfortunate.
I shoo-ed Judah down to get his shoes on, in my head willing him to get them on the correct feet (Please, God). I laid Eliza down and unsnapped her pj's; I grabbed a couple of wipes out of the box so I could be ready...
Sometimes, two wipes just won't cut the mustard. This was one of those times. "It" (I hate the "P" word. Sorry, you'll have to be okay with "it") was everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE.
I don't know why this sort of thing can't happen on a morning when I have it all together and things are running like a well-oiled machine! Oh, right, because that never happens!! There's always something, isn't there?
I panicked a little after seeing what I was going to have to overcome in the booty cleaning department. I grabbed some more wipes and as I did Eliza (my first child to do this) put her hand in "it!" I gasped and said "NO! Lize!" The child smiled at me. I'm holding the bottom half of her body up so the top half doesn't get covered, I'm holding wipes in the other had, so I'm pretty much helpless. And then she does the unthinkable...
She stuck her hand IN HER MOUTH!
Oh, yes she did.
I yelled "NO! That's NOT food! Well, actually it is but NOT THAT KIND OF FOOD!"
At that point my priorities shifted greatly. It was get that mouth and those hands clean RIGHT NOW.
Which I did, somehow.
My friends, it was ugly. I don't know how I did it without getting "it" everywhere that "it" already wasn't. Sometimes (more like daily) I wonder why mothers can't have a third arm, because I know for a fact I could really use one.
We mothers, we're good, aren't we! We are the ones that OVERCOME great odds!
Sorry for the ick factor. Life stuff, remember?
*Post from 1 year ago today: A Recipe is Forthcoming
(includes a link to my "perfect for staving off the stomach bug" smoothie recipe)
"Eve... shoes on!"
"Are your teeth brushed?!"
"Judah! EAT, pleeeease."
I went to get Eliza out of her bed; usually getting her up is my last thing to accomplish before loading up the van with little bodies, a backpack, and some sort of small plastic wild animal that growls loudly at me from a chubby boy hand.
This particular morning Eliza had a precious gift for me in her diaper. I had no idea of what magnitude, though. Which, in hindsight, was very unfortunate.
I shoo-ed Judah down to get his shoes on, in my head willing him to get them on the correct feet (Please, God). I laid Eliza down and unsnapped her pj's; I grabbed a couple of wipes out of the box so I could be ready...
Sometimes, two wipes just won't cut the mustard. This was one of those times. "It" (I hate the "P" word. Sorry, you'll have to be okay with "it") was everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE.
I don't know why this sort of thing can't happen on a morning when I have it all together and things are running like a well-oiled machine! Oh, right, because that never happens!! There's always something, isn't there?
I panicked a little after seeing what I was going to have to overcome in the booty cleaning department. I grabbed some more wipes and as I did Eliza (my first child to do this) put her hand in "it!" I gasped and said "NO! Lize!" The child smiled at me. I'm holding the bottom half of her body up so the top half doesn't get covered, I'm holding wipes in the other had, so I'm pretty much helpless. And then she does the unthinkable...
She stuck her hand IN HER MOUTH!
Oh, yes she did.
I yelled "NO! That's NOT food! Well, actually it is but NOT THAT KIND OF FOOD!"
At that point my priorities shifted greatly. It was get that mouth and those hands clean RIGHT NOW.
Which I did, somehow.
My friends, it was ugly. I don't know how I did it without getting "it" everywhere that "it" already wasn't. Sometimes (more like daily) I wonder why mothers can't have a third arm, because I know for a fact I could really use one.
We mothers, we're good, aren't we! We are the ones that OVERCOME great odds!
Sorry for the ick factor. Life stuff, remember?
*Post from 1 year ago today: A Recipe is Forthcoming
(includes a link to my "perfect for staving off the stomach bug" smoothie recipe)
18 Comments:
Yep. Feel your pain on this one. That goes right along with putting them down for a nap on a warm day in just a diaper not even dreaming that this would be the day they figure out how to get said diaper off! Going in the room to get your sweet little love out of the crib only to find they have been playing Picasso with "it" all over the wall, crib, toys in the crib, and of course on themselves. Not one of those times you feel like praising their art work. Gotta love motherhood..."It" happens :)
OK - trying so hard not to laugh! LOL!!!
Be happy that you got to wait till your 3rd child to witness this. We, sadly witnessed it with our first. Remember they are twins? Well, oh how to say this, well, they umm, kind of swapped. EWWW!!! Nasty!
I did want to share another story with you too. The day after we got back from Disney, I had to go pick up the dogs from the kennel. I was making a quick stop to the pet store first to get a new collar. We only had one as the puppy had eaten the other one. So - I grabbed Katie, Mandy and Emma and took off. Now, this was late afternoon and I had not showered (No hot water... thank you hurrican Ike) so, you can imagine, I was looking a little icky.
I am in the pet store, getting ready to pay wehn Mandy comes running in and says "Umm, Emma pooped and its everywhere!" (sigh) "OK" I said. Well, I get out to the car and it is EVERYWHERE! All over her carseat and her and her hands and her hair! It was really gross.
I go to grab the diaper bag... umm, where is the diaperbag? At home, of course. I make a mad dash to Kroger and grab diapers and wipes and proceed to (try) and scrub the baby down in the parking lot.
We finally made it to the kennel looking really nasty. Emma just had her diaper on and her hair was sticking up all over. We were definitely quiet the site.
i feel you here...will has done that a couple of times and I somehow manage to clean his mouth and hand so quickly. we moms just have that special nack for "p" diapers..what a nack to have!
Oh bless your heart, that is so gross!!! It does happen though, my mom says that when I was small I ate doggy "it" because I thought "it" was a tootsie roll!!! Not a good story to tell her first boyfriend though!!! LOL!!!
um, i can honestly say that never happened to me! ha!
hey, did you use our canning stuff yet?
Laughing! Totally been there.
My little sweetie has explosive diapers ALL the time! I probably go through a bottle of stain remover a week.
In fact, I think it was just yesterday that the hand covered in "it" went into the mouth. At least we are still in the breast milk only stage - it kinda doesn't seem as bad.
So did Judah get his shoes on the correct feet?
it musta been the cheese puffs!!
Oh, that is so nasty! I would have been freaking out!
Oh NO!!!!!!!!!! I think I might have puked when she put her hand in her mouth! (and I don't have a weak stomach when it comes to my babies) The closest I've come to this (so far, PLEASE God let this be the closest I ever come to this!) was when we stupidly decided on a whim to buy a puppy. Our daughter was 1 and I was babysitting another 1 yr. old. Anyway, the kids & puppy are playing away in the bedroom and I walk by and smell IT. I think it's a diaper. Nope. It's the puppy. Worse-I see it smeared all over the chair. Worse yet-I see it ALL OVER MY CHILD'S HAND!!! That was so disgusting. Luckily she didn't put it in her mouth! And amazingly enough, the BOY hadn't touched the stuff. Eww it was so gross. It took a lot of scrubbing some airing out to get the doggy IT smell out of her hand!
That, my friend, could go into the "Doo-Doo Hall of Fame"! (laughing and gagging simutaneously)
Oh. No.
I shouldn't laugh.
But I did.
Don't you just love life's little initiations into being a mommy?
Poor Andrea,
I have to tell you though that I am laughing so hard that I have tears in my eyes! You're so funny!
that's hilarious! oh yeah, and i've been there...with both of my kids! motherhood thankfully comes with comic relief...otherwise, how would we survive when "it" seems to permeated so much of what we, as young mamas, are dealing with?! thanks for sharing! :)
ewwww! We've been way to lucky in that department. I'm at the point that if the diaper is dirty he's getting washed in the bath. wipes just don't cut it sometimes. :)
Brittany
I felt awkward about blogging about this but my son did something similar this week. Blech!
i had one of those last week... only instead of the baby's hand in it, it was mine. yep, when the pants came off it unloaded into my hand... OMG.
I like to refer to these and 12 gauges. makes it sound cooler. cuz really, there is nothing cool about one of those
I dont think we have had that happen. i feel for you though...I did laugh...just a little....yuck.
I shrieked out loud! My middle son peed in his mouth one time long ago. I grabbed a baby wipe to cove but not in time!
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